I woke up at around 4 am this morning and remember feeling angry.
I must be dreaming.
I remember I was shouting 母爱！ 母爱！
Yesterday I sent away another of my mother’s belonging. Her sewing machine.
Frankly, I have never seen my mother used it. But she told me she saved money to get this for herself and made really nice dresses.
I had vivid memories that my mom was a good sewer. When I needed her to alter my school uniform to shorten my skirt, she hand sewn the hems with beautiful flawless stitches.
I also remember her sitting in a corner of our living room chit chatting with my father while she hand sewn her own dress. I was probably only 5 or 6 then and wondering what took her so long to finish sewing that dress?? But when I saw her put on that dress, I understood why. She showed me how intricate the sewing was. It was probably more like embroidery.
But I never see her use the sewing machine.
So, my brother texted me that he is going through the umpteen times to clear the house of my mother’s stuff. This time is a sewing machine. And asked if I want it or know of anyone who wants it. I found someone who loves it and arranged for pick up.
And there, we sent off another of my mom’s possession.
I don’t know if the dream was in any way related to my mom and the sewing machine. But I suspect more.
I was shouting at my ‘Ang’.