Tomorrow is the day I will be following up for a check up after the surgery.
On the day after the surgery, my doctor came up to my bed while I was still quite sedated after a full blown GA. She told me what she had found and showed me the photos taken.
2 ovarian cyst, 2 fibroids and some endometrium blood adhesions.
The one that caused me extreme pain was a burst cyst that became a haemorrhage. I had a history of endometriosis. This is my second laparoscopy.
The doctor seriously advised me to consider one of the following options as treatment:
- To get pregnant
- To go through a 6-month hormone therapy
Both options are to stop menstrual cycle so that the roots of the endometrium blood cells shall forever and ever be destroyed! Menstrual discharges feed endometriosis. There is only that much laser laparoscopy can do in order not to burn off too much of our tissue.
2 years ago with my 1st laparoscopy, our decision was for me to get pregnant. But I didn’t, simply because we did not put in any effort whatsoever.
Now, the same 2 options remain. My doctor had been broaching on the topic of IVF for a year. She is not an IVF specialist so she recommended other doctors. I didn’t think she is all out to make money from me. She is one of the most purist doctor who cared about patients more than making money. I had been thinking about the options ever since I was discharged.
Yesterday, I needed some air and went to Vivocity. I went before lunch madness and had Soup Spoon, checked out the new Franc Franc, browse through Uniqlo before I got tired and had a cup of Chai latte at Coffee Bean.
Sitting there, I saw ladies with their baby prams dolling their baby/toddler in designer garb, enjoying some off peak shopping during this GSS and catching up with fellow mothers.
I also saw ladies my age bringing their parents out for a meal and walked along the promenade facing Sentosa.
I was still pondering with my previous post whether I should just slow down with work and take it easier.
Then I thought “For what? I don’t have kids or parents to spend time with!! So, I might as well just work, right?”
Then, as if my doctor appeared as a little Angel/Devil in my head, it said “Go have a baby!”
I sat there, sipping my cup of Chai latte……..and started to CRINGE!
The very thought of having a baby tires me.
Is it the comfort of my current lifestyle that I am resisting another possible human being coming into my life?
When I got married 5 years ago, I immediately wanted a baby. It didn’t come.
And 5 years later? I’m really leaning towards having none. I have been running the logic of “Why have a baby?” in my mind and the more it runs, the more I’m leaning towards none.
Then, at that very moment, my Whatsapp Group Chat starts beeping. Its my 2 married but childless neighbors. So, in the fit of thought processing, I asked them about their opinions of having kids.
Our womanly texting cannot be fully summarized here but we touched on societal pressures, in-laws, fear, old age, Singapore social construct, our the other half, etc, etc.
And in conclusion, one of them took her 8 married years to lean towards having ONE kid!! The other is completely and wholeheartedly freaked out by a kid and she plans to check into an assisted living facility in her old age.
So, out of 3 people, 2.5 is anti-baby. LOL! Doom shall befall Singapore!
Having a baby is a huge topic and it cannot be covered enough or fairly here. But whatever it may be, I ask myself, not anyone else, “Do I want a baby? Do we want a baby?”
Anyhow, baby aside, I think I am going for the 6 months hormone treatment.