Category Archives: Realising Dreams

Halloween and Fear

Was chilling with 2 friends yesterday and we chatted everything under the sky especially after 8 pints of beer among the two. I was having apple juice!!

One question popped up. What are your fears?

I took a while to digest……

My mind ran through several things, my ‘Ang’, my money, my possessions, etc……

My reply came with “If I loose my ‘Ang”, my house, my money and left with nothing that I need to depend on payouts from the government, that will be fearful.”

My friend, T, quickly interjected: Is that all? House and money?

BK: It is the loss of  pride that I am afraid, perhaps. The money and house are simply indicators. And actually, if anyone can verbalise their fears, does it still consider as a fear?

T: My biggest fear is that someone now comes along and offer me a corporate job, earning easily say $7-8K a month.

To give some perspective, T left his high flying job in a MNC to be an entrepreneur, a complete loss of stable income. And if I may add, 9 out of 10 aspiring entrepreneurs fail. T’s entrepreneurial efforts are not seeing much light at this moment. So the temptation of going back to the corporate world is luring. It also means that he had failed to fulfill his dreams.

So in the spirit of Halloween, what are your fears in life?

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Facebooking

On a very random occasion, I realised a friend had unfriended me in Facebook. I am fine with that.

The reason she unfriended me was due to a comment I posted in one of “cooking photo”. To me, it was a compliment. To her, she took offense.

This incident makes me wonder.

(1) Is my command of English expression that bad that when I meant it to be a compliment, someone can actually take offense to it? I would really have to revisit “Communicating 101” to make sure that I don’t put myself and anyone else in this situation anymore. But if I am dealing with a low esteem, sensitive person, then don’t bother.

(2) Has Facebook brought us back to juvenile mindset where we were still running around in our pleated skirt school uniform saying “I don’t friend you”.

(3) Is it so important that whatever you portray, be it in Facebook or your ‘real life’ that it needs to be prim and proper, that you are living in a happy, contented family, with good job, good husband and cute kids? Nothing should taint this picture perfect, happy family portrayal?

It brought me to a bigger issue here.

Very seldom, people has the courage to face up to reality, especially failures, even with Harvard or Oxford graduates. I read a research paper that these graduates had seldom been faced with failures their entire life that upon graduation, more than half of them enter the workforce either as a banker, or a management consultant. Besides being paid well, the main reason is that it is the firms that make the path for them and the decision is so easy to take. In the Singapore context, the nearest parallel would probably be the Scholarship route where almost the career path is already laid in front of the graduate. These people are driven more by fear of not being successful than by a desire to achieve anything at all.

And all these brings me back to a commencement speech in Harvard 2008 by JK Rowling.

Read here. There’s a video link too.

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Ending 2012

Today is 17 December…. It would have been my mother’s birthday….. Anyways….

I’m sitting in IKEA Queensway cafe. A lady sitting behind me is apparently going through a job interview. Kids are, as usual, running and screaming at the play area. And I paid $0.50 for a cup of tea. It’s been 2 hours since.

Firstly, I was driven out of my home because there is, apparently a renovation going on one floor below my apartment unit. I wasn’t informed of it until noise started at 10am. I can’t even hear myself talk when I speak to Hero. So poor Hero….. home with the noise.

I went over to my new place to see see look look. All went pretty well. When the renovation of my new HDB unit was sent to HDB for approval, my contractor had to go knocking at the neighbours’ doors informing of the impending noise. And yet, my neighbour below my condo apartment unit didn’t have to do that. They just went ahead and hack!!

This year went by really quick. I may have said this every year but seriously, 2012 is really fast! I set out early this year dedicating to myself, a year of personal development as I call it.

(1) Attended meditation class with my ‘Ang’. It was a good 4 weeks.

(2) Attended my 1st meditation retreat. A refreshing 3 days 2 nights stay away from home, strict vegetarian diet and practicing mindfulness.

(3) Participated my 1st mission trip as a volunteer to Surabaya, Indonesia. Visiting the slums and cemeteries make me understand the pursuit of happiness.

I give myself a good pat on my back!

Health wise was a bummer though. Looking at my health records, I practically had a surgery every year since 2007!! So, for 2013, I am not going to give myself a big target, just something achieveable. So, as long as I don’t need to go under the knife, I will be happy.

I am still rummaging my thoughts for 2013 in the work arena. Toying the idea of taking the jump to completely leave my professional work life as a Quantity Surveyor.

2012 had been a great year for me to step back, get a perspective and practice patience. 2013 will be dedicated to my work and my business.

Rest

After several days of soups and porridge, I think I actually needed some human food! Lo and behold, I had instant noodles! HA!

I was feeling slightly better couple of days back.

The day before yesterday, I spent an entire afternoon at Sentosa Cove –  for business that is! And later drove around North and South Islands with a dear friend of mine who happens to hold an access card to almost every gate that opens to a beach! We ended up at Tanjung Beach Club for an afternoon martini! We thought that the meeting went quite well!

Yesterday I was up in my office in the morning and without being able to find all my stuff (remember office relocation), I had to open up boxes after boxes to locate that piece of architectural drawings or contract document. Not to mention I had 2 new staff coming on board and we are still pending MOM’s approval, new computers to get, boxes and boxes to unpack. By afternoon, I was in an Army camp walking 9 blocks of building that needed upgrading! In and out of air conditioned rooms! Up and down the stairs! Yes, there were no lifts. And looking at 20 year old boys wrapped in towels running in and out of their bunks! And me sticking out like a unicorn! The sun was horrendous!

By the time I reached home, I realized I was bleeding again. And I was completely exhausted. I knocked out at 9pm.

This morning I woke up feeling slightly charged. But not entirely. I thought I really needed to rest fully. Like charging our phone? We rushed to places before it gets charged 100%, we unplug it at 43% thinking it may last us for the rest of the day, but it typically doesn’t. Who are we kidding?

I wish my life comes with a car charger or portable charger along the way.

But this time, I know I really needed the rest. My body is not responding. And after almost 4 weeks of not meeting the consultant team handling the MINDEF camps, the Architect and M&E Engineer, on separate occasions, asked me if I went for a huge diet or the reason I lose so much weight? I think these are my best reality check.

I know I have at least 3 phone-book-thick tender documents to write before it all goes out for tender. I know I have another new business unit that needed all the ground work laid now. I know I have this huge private event to hold in Oct.

I think I also need to rest.

How do you multi task?

That was what my client asked me yesterday night at 11pm.

My reply?

Use iphone lor, plus ipad. Throw in Whatsapp group chat and Dropbox. I’m  an octopus! My 小黄 is my second home.

Seriously, I wouldn’t know where or how I can go through one work day without iphone and whatsapp. I am grateful for Apps like these.

Yesterday, I was working on 4 clients, 1 developer in Singapore, 1 developer from London, 1 potential partner in London and 3 colleagues in Singapore. Constantly chatting on Whatsapp and emails flying every hour.

I start my day at 7 in the morning and end at nearly midnight. I don’t feel tired waking up. In fact, I can’t wait to wake up to work. I had my lunch at almost 5pm. I feel charged. I feel the adrenaline. Is this PASSION?

But if I continue to do this long term, I know I will burn one day. Project will be ending next week and looking forward to my Taiwan vacation!

 

 

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